what to do when your girlfriend leaves you

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Breaking up with your girlfriend nicely is all almost being honest while letting her down softly.^[1] If you're understanding, available, and compassionate, you tin minimize the pain of the breakdown.^[two]

1. 1

   Don't break up with your partner past text, phone or email. This is disrespectful, and for your before long-to-be ex, it can feel like y'all're existence evasive. Take the decency to practise it privately and in person.^[three]

   • You might not realize it, just there are benefits to ending a relationship in person. For one matter, it gives both people a chance to talk and reflect on the state of affairs. And even though it volition be harder to practise, information technology will about likely lead to less drama, which is a skillful thing.

2. 2

   Don't place blame solely on the other person for the breakup. Things are never that uncomplicated. Exist prepared to discuss your human relationship without pointing your finger.^[4]

   • You can probably find bad things almost your relationship that you contributed to, if you actually wanted. In an effort to be off-white, and to not accept your ex-girlfriend feel like she is directly responsible for the end of the relationship, be sure to mention the things that you could accept changed to make the relationship meliorate.
   • In some cases, the blame will be solely on the other person. In those situations, information technology's okay to tell it like it is. If your girlfriend is cheating, abusing drugs, manipulative, or increasingly disrespecting you, you tin can lay the blame direct on her actions.
     • In nearly cases, this can cause an argument, then be prepared. The upside is that y'all're being honest with both yourself and her why the relationship didn't work, leaving y'all both with a better chance of finding lasting love afterward on. Isn't that what you both want?

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3. 3

   Don't atomic number 82 your ex on. If yous don't want to exist friends afterward, don't leave the door open up for that possibility. Find a overnice fashion to say it. Instead of "Oh yeah, and I don't want to stay friends later on, just so yous know," try something like "You know that I care for you lot. I but don't think information technology volition exist salubrious for either of usa to stay friends immediately afterwards we suspension up. Hopefully sometime down the road, when we've both figured stuff out, nosotros can get to that place."

4. 4

   Don't be a blabbermouth. Use discretion when telling mutual friends about your interruption up. Bragging or gossiping could exist very hurtful to someone who may already be in a fragile emotional state.^[5] On top of that, it could encourage your ex to sling some nasty rumors your way, and generally crusade some immature behavior.

   • Tell your close friends, simply don't publicize your breakup to acquaintances or people you hardly know. It'due south probably a good thought to tell your close friends what happened between you and your ex. It'south probably not such a great idea to start telling your unabridged social circle via Facebook, or every girl in your schoolhouse, that you and your ex are history. It merely smacks of desperation.

5. v

   Don't be petty. Being "trivial" can be hard to define, only it normally includes doing things that y'all wouldn't want your girlfriend to practise with yous if she were hypothetically breaking up with you lot. This is called the golden rule. Practise unto others every bit you would accept them do unto you. Information technology's a smashing rule.^[half-dozen]

   • Don't cheat on your ex before you suspension upwards with them. If something is simmering between you and some other daughter, accept the decency to wait a chip, really think near your feelings, and break up with your current girlfriend before you do anything with the other girl. It will look better to your ex, and feel better for y'all.
   • Don't treat them poorly before the relationship has concluded. (Improve yet, don't treat them poorly at all.) If you're still in a relationship, you owe something to the other person. It'southward non really okay to cheque out before things have concluded. If yous don't feel like being nice to your girlfriend, you lot owe information technology to her to give her the opportunity to find someone who can.

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1. 1

   Try to minimize the heartache. There is no way around the fact that this is going to hurt the other person. It's just like ripping off a cast — if you rip information technology off all in one go, the pain will be over chop-chop, but if you lot practise information technology slowly, it volition hurt for longer.^[7] You can assistance minimize the heartbreak in a couple of ways:

   • Don't exist distant. Even if you don't actually feel like it, offering hugs and other advisable signs of affection if your ex looks like she needs it. Be reassuring, not selfish.
   • Find the right time to pause upwards. Obviously, at that place'south never a perfect fourth dimension. But right before a commemoration, exam, or vacation is a bad fourth dimension to exercise it. Give yourself enough time, and try to do it when she doesn't have anything else pregnant going on afterward.
   • Resist the urge to contend. When someone is being cleaved up with, there'due south a good run a risk they're going to be angry. Don't feed her anger by provoking, debating, or belittling her. Ex-lovers oftentimes say very hurtful things when they fence.

2. 2

   Be prepared for a range of emotions. When you finally break up, you lot have to be prepared for annihilation. It could be sadness, anger, or fifty-fifty a lack of emotion.^[8] It's okay to experience any and all of these emotions during a breakdown. If you lot feel similar showing emotion, don't concur back.^[nine] If the emotion isn't there, for any reason, don't force it.

3. 3

   Give her a truthful explanation. It's the to the lowest degree that she deserves. If you lot can't come with a legitimate reason for why you're no longer interested in the relationship, try thinking information technology over; talk with a friend. It doesn't have to exist perfect, just information technology should be legitimate. You owe it to her.^[10]

   • Prove her that y'all've given it some thought, and offer her some facts to back it up. Don't be aggressive or combative. When explaining the reasons for a breakup, don't talk well-nigh other relationships. Your relationship is your own, and breaking up isn't about comparing your human relationship to anyone else'due south.^[xi]
   • Stay in that location for as long equally she needs an explanation. Don't run out the door as before long as you've said the words "permit'due south suspension up." Stay with her while she'due south processing the information, answering whatever follow-up questions she may have. If you go along returning to the same questions over and once again, tell her that you recall that'due south happening.

4. 4

   Exist reassuring. If information technology'due south appropriate, let her know why you think that she'll brand an excellent girlfriend for someone else sometime downwardly the road. Talk well-nigh the aspects of her personality that attracted you lot to her in the outset, and the traits of hers that stayed strong during the relationship. This way, she won't feel every bit horrible; information technology could do something skillful for her confidence, which will probably be shaken past the breakup.

5. 5

   Offer to talk with her at a later time if she has any questions. Unless yous've decided that it'southward admittedly the best to not talk after the breakup, give her the option of discussing things when the situation is a little more calm. This will requite you both time to think, and may help her feel similar she is also given a chance to get things off her chest.^[12]

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• Question

  How do y'all get over your ex?

  

  Cherlyn Chong is a breakdown recovery and dating coach. With half-dozen years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional person women who want to go over their exes and find love again. She has experience every bit an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Concern Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.

  

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  When you lot break up with someone, it can feel like a really long and mountainous journeying. If you lot don't have a compass or a articulate path, you may feel lost. To regain direction information technology's important to brand the determination to move on, and start doing seemingly insignificant tasks that bring you forrard each solar day. Ultimately, you have to break the bicycle of wallowing, and nobody tin can intermission it except you.

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• Put yourself in their place. Imagine how it would feel if you were the i existence dumped.

• Do not aggravate the situation by sending unpleasant messages or phone calls.

• Don't allow her think you lot could possibly get dorsum together if you lot have no intention of doing and then.

• Don't feel guilty almost breaking upwards with your girlfriend, if you try to prolong the break up it will only make it worse.

• Wait some fourth dimension before getting some other girlfriend, especially if your quondam girlfriend often runs into you.

• Exist honest with yourself and with her for the reason for breaking upwardly.

• Say to your partner when breaking up "I call back information technology'due south probably better that we are only friends" but say it nicely and smile. She probably won't get as upset (obviously she volition be) as "I hate yous, we're breaking upwardly".

• Post-obit these rules will make the process less painful for both of you. It may even get you a positive reference in the future.

• Try to ask her if she nevertheless wants to be friends though, as you might start a smashing friendship.

• Never say whatever of the archetype break up lines like "It's not you, it'south me."^[13]

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• No thing how nice yous are, the pain is still the same, and she's going to resent you whether y'all just say it or are the nicest yous can be.

• Do not talk to her in the following days. Subsequently a few days go by, it might exist tempting to see how she is doing to ease your guilt, and also see how she is coping with the break upward. This is often bad because it might remind her of the relationship that was lost and doesn't let her movement on. Proceed in mind that most people become by stress with either anger or depression. Anger is much more productive for them and allows them to motion on in a healthy way. If yous see her with someone else go along your cool, because you broke up with her, and its fourth dimension for both of you to motion on.

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Article Summary X

If yous want to exist as squeamish equally possible when y'all suspension upwards with your girlfriend, practice it in person when you two are lonely. You might effort saying something like "I know this might come as a surprise, but this relationship isn't working for me anymore." Be honest about why y'all're breaking up with her, but give her space to ask questions and express her feelings. Endeavour something like "I like spending time with yous, but I experience like we're drifting autonomously. I'grand distressing, I know this hurts to hear." For more advice well-nigh how to interruption upward as nicely as possible, including what to avoid, read on...

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